Hungry for love

So hungry for love. What is it in me that causes me to ache with longing for someone to know me, to cherish me, to want to truly love me for all that I am and am trying to be? Why do I find it so easy to give parts of myself away to those who even hint that they might be willing to agree? This void inside cannot and will not be filled by anything other than Jesus. No matter how many times I try to stuff love, affection, companionship, friends, family, relationship, etc., into that void it will never be satisfied with the generic version of love.

True love can only be found in one place and from one person, Jesus Christ. The One who gave up everything so that we might have life and an abundant one at that. That should cause us to run to him and drop everything we hold onto that hinders our relationship with Him along the way. Only me and Jesus. That's what I need. Be my everything. Show me how to fill that void with You and only You and no substitutions. I can't bear to feel far away from You. You are my everything and everything that I need is in You. Why I ever doubt that I don't know...all I know is I always come back to the same conclusion--God, You are so much better at running my life than I am. Jesus, take the wheel, as Carrie Underwood would say. That's what I'm saying now.

Although, like Paul in Romans 7, I do the thing that I do not want to do. Why?! This battle within me rages and I don't know how to calm it down, defeat it, or make it go away. Maybe there is no way to do that. Pray, seek You, read Your instruction book...all these seem so simple, yet are so hard to fit into your daily life.

Everything goes screwey in my head and I forget everything or push it all aside to do what I want to do and try to justify it. Lord, teach me self-control. Teach me how to run from sin. I don't wanna stand up to it...I wanna run from it--that's the only truly safe way. I'm not strong enough to stand up to it...at least not right now.

Thank you that there is no condemnation for us who are in Christ Jesus. What a relief! Wrap me in Your loving arms and give me Your strength to face each day. Be my portion, my everything, my one true love.