"They say time is a healer
But it's more like a concealer for a scar."--Nevertheless

These were the lyrics I was trying to think of before with my last post. Perfectly describes the fact that no matter how much time passes after something happens in our lives, the memory, which can sometimes leaves a scar, is still there. Maybe it's lessened or lightened up over the years and become faint, but it's still there.

Time doesn't get rid of or erase the past. If only...

Time doesn't heal all wounds...

Why are some days easier than others? Some days I'm totally fine with being single--I even enjoy it. Other days, I can't stop thinking about past relationships, and what went wrong. I wonder what could have happened. I wonder what if...?

What if we were still together? What if we could have made it work? What if things had been different? The "what ifs" can drive you crazy.

Can you ever really forget? Time doesn't heal all wounds--the scars just become less noticeable. How long does it take before you don't feel the pain anymore? Pain does mean that we're alive, but it sure makes it hard to live.

I have hope...that someday the memories won't be so vivid. That the pain won't seem so real. That it won't take my breath away each time I think of what happened. That I won't think of what happened with sadness and despair. That I'll be able to think of my past with fondness of the good times had with hope for more in the future.

The mistakes I made, the paths I've taken...these experiences make me who I am today.

I pray that tomorrow I won't be consumed with regret, and that each day will get easier to process what happened and move on.

Today was rough. Lord, please let tomorrow be a little easier.

Great friends

A friend of mine once said something that came to mind today. I've thought a lot about moving somewhere else from time to time--to another place just for the experience. I realized recently that I want to stay in CT for now. I can't even explain it, but I know I'm supposed to be here...right here, right now. He said, "Maybe CT still needs you." I tend to agree.:) There's something here that's holding me, and I choose to stay here and see what God does and where He takes me from here. I don't know if I'll stay here forever, but I'm here now and I choose to be a part of what God has for me here.:)

Last night, had a great convo with a couple of friends of mine about relationships. They confirmed something for me I already knew, but was doubting myself over. We talked about how you won't ever doubt if a guy is into you. You'll know. He will call, send flowers, pursue you, and you will have no need to wonder if he likes and cares about you. Thank you! They told me to make a list, stick to it, and never compromise. Even if they lack only one thing on your list...that's a red flag. Pay attention, trust yourself and your instincts, and never compromise. Thank God for great friends. I did the right thing. I can be sure of that.

Friendship Foundation

All the guys I've dated have tried to pull me down to their level. Well, it's time to raise the bar. I want more and I deserve more. I did not know what I was getting into. Now I vow to go into relationships with my eyes wide open and a foundation of friendship.

Making some changes

I want to be more than I am today. I want to walk confidently into each day--to face each day on purpose.

I feel called to do a sort of "fast" from spending money on entertainment. We are so addicted to constantly being entertained in our society. I don't want to be that way. I think our parents had it right by keeping it simple. Why do we constantly feel the need to seek out every kind of entertainment we can possibly imagine? Why do we feel the need to spend our money aimlessly on such things that don't last but a few hours or so?

Don't get me wrong...I love movies and music and being entertained as much as the next person. I am just asking some hard questions of myself to see my motivation behind my constant need to be entertained. I spend a lot of money each month on entertainment. Movies, concerts, shows of all kinds, etc.

I have decided to make a conscious effort to dig deeper to find the motivations behind my desires. Why do I do the things I do? I know it's not reasonable to expect to never seek out any form of entertainment EVER, but for now I am on a fast until I come across something that I definitely want to do, and make sure I have the money to do that thing.

Making some changes with my money and the way I spend my time. Finally!

Here we go...

Scared to love, but scared to live alone...

It's been a crazy, emotional week. That's for sure. Thank goodness for great friends and for a God full of grace and mercy. Absolutely could not survive without either one. I am amazed at his blessings especially in the midst of emotional turmoil.

It's great to hear someone besides a single woman say that they feel sorry for anyone out there looking for a great, Jesus-loving guy. Even married women are saying this! Looks like slim-pickins out there.

At least they agree, but that doesn't provide much confidence for myself and all us single Christian ladies out there. I guess we can only put our hope in the one who gave us the desire to be married in the first place.

God, please meet our need. Sooner rather than later would be great.:) We love you, regardless.

I put my faith in you, and you threw it away...

"I never wanted to say this. You never wanted to stay. I put my faith in you, so much faith in you, then you just threw it away.

I'm not so naive, my sorry eyes can see. The way you fight shy of almost everything. Well, if you give up, you'll get what you deserve.

So what did you think I would say? No, you can't run away. No, you can't run away. You wouldn't!

You were finished long before we had even seen the start. Why don't you stand up? Be a man about it. Fight with your bare hands about it now.

I never wanted to say this. You never wanted to stay. I put my faith in you, so much faith in you, then you just threw it away. "

I've got this song by Paramore on repeat right now. It's resonating with me.

I don't know if I'm thinking straight anymore. Think I'll take a nap now.:)